i have been to a lot of weddings, but this is the year i started to really love them. not just because i got married – how intensely narcissistic would that be. i only love weddings when they're about ME. no. this is the year that my own set close friends started to get married, and i get to feel swept up in the beauty of their commitment to each other, and their friend's commitment to making it the best goddamn day of their lives.
i also have the honor of being asked to make flowers for these friends. and i really want to impress upon everyone who might read this (hello?) that it's an honor – a serious and solemn one. the moments i spend making the flowers before a friend's wedding feels like a little prayer (i don't believe in god, so a prayer to whatever nondenominational force oversees such a huge and earnest expression of commitment) that i make with my hands. reminds my of my favorite rumi poem: there are one hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground.
what a mush i am these days. i gotta get my SAD lamp down. it's that time of year. i'm glad i came back to this post (sometimes I do that: leave part way and come back to finish the post like 3 weeks later, so if you ever feel like you're reading a diptych that's why) though. it's been a hard year. a great year in so many ways, but a tremendously hard one too. it's nice to remember that in work i find peace. as opposed to in relaxing, where there is no peace. sometimes i get so frustrated with my dog who cannot relax. and then i realize that i am that dog. if this were a yann martel novel, i would literally be that dog.