not REALLY alone, not like on a frozen tundra in a hut or anything. alone at home in squamish, living monastically with z the cat. if monks are into eating an experimental vegan diet and taking a lot of baths with hippie-flavored epsom salts because their boyfriends are away hunting animals in deep BC.
i like being alone. i think people are always surprised to know that about me, but it's true. i can impromptu dance party my face off, but i need balance of being quiet and by myself. the house is really clean right now, and i have to admit that i really like not having anyone to clean up after. i think it's the knowledge that the mess is only mine. i'm like a little nesting rat, burrowing into my self-shredded piles of newspaper.
the other thing is that ian is actually an extension of me, so even though i like to be alone i don't feel fully "here" when he's away. feels good but not for too long. i'm spending this week to recalibrate myself a bit. i keep saying that the last few months have been insane, but it's really been this whole year. i was ready to work hard but i don't think i expected it to be so disorganized, so cheque-to-cheque. that's because i am reckless and have a habit of leaping first. something i like about myself, but it can create a lot of stress.
it's only november but i'm thinking about the holidays already. that's a normal thing for someone in a service or retail industry to think about, just so you know. i'm not a christmas-o-phile. my family stopped giving gifts a few years ago and I like the holidays a lot more since then because my mom isn't stressed out and we can all just enjoy my dad's port collection and play settlers of catan. but i'm thinking about the holidays because i have to start making wreaths. last year i made so many wreaths my clipping hand swelled up! that made me feel tough.
anyway, everyone treat yourself to a bath this week, recommendation via Dr. Fritz.